Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth. — Lily Tomlin

If truth is beauty, then how come no one has their hair done in a library? — Lily Tomlin

If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done? — Lily Tomlin

Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers. — Lily Tomlin

The best mind altering drug is the truth. — Lily Tomlin

If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer. — Lily Tomlin

I guess that’s one of the reasons that you do it–work all the time–because it’s sort of a high to find something that really works. — Lily Tomlin

To 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn’t really happened, but it has come closer. — Lily Tomlin

We’re giving jobs to people who would otherwise be out of work if we weren’t exploiting cheap labor. — Lily Tomlin

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination. — Lily Tomlin

There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it. — Lily Tomlin

Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it? — Lily Tomlin

Many times I sit back and say, ‘I can’t believe that this is my life!’ Other times, I feel self–satisfied. I mean, there’s a lot to be proud and thankful for but, nonetheless, it’s just a life! — Lily Tomlin

In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone — Lily Tomlin

I feel some part of me can wake up and be very existential and the next day wake up and be sort of in love with the universe. — Lily Tomlin

When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one. — Lily Tomlin

You don’t really need to get married, but marriage is awfully nice. Everybody I know who got married, they say it really makes a difference. They feel very, very happy about it. — Lily Tomlin

I still believe that sex is dirty. It’s just that now I wouldn’t have it any other way. — Lily Tomlin

There’s nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, ‘I didn’t do it right’. — Lily Tomlin

I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t. — Lily Tomlin

All my life I always wanted to be someone. I see now I should have been more specific. — Lily Tomlin

We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles. — Lily Tomlin

If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up? — Lily Tomlin

But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money. — Lily Tomlin

Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers. — Lily Tomlin

Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself. — Lily Tomlin

Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain. — Lily Tomlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. — Lily Tomlin

I personally thInk we developed language because of our deep need to complaIn. — Lily Tomlin

It’s my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. — Lily Tomlin

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. — Lily Tomlin

Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought. — Lily Tomlin

I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn’t want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you. — Lily Tomlin

Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest? — Lily Tomlin

The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible. — Lily Tomlin

Reality is the crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs. — Lily Tomlin

What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch. — Lily Tomlin

We are all in this together, by ourselves. — Lily Tomlin

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. — Lily Tomlin

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up. — Lily Tomlin

Reality is nothing more than a collective hunch. — Lily Tomlin

What goes up must come down. But don’t expect it to come down where you can find it. — Lily Tomlin

I try to be cynical, but it’s so hard to keep up. — Lily Tomlin

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining. — Lily Tomlin

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs. — Lily Tomlin

Reality is the leading cause of stress. — Lily Tomlin