If you don’t love Jesus–go to hell! — Kinky Friedman

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don’t love themselves. — Kinky Friedman

You’ve got to find what you love and let it kill you. I don’t think any of us should ever forget that. — Kinky Friedman

I’ve always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail. — Kinky Friedman

True love usually results in a hostage situation. — Kinky Friedman

I’ve been in true love many times. I just try to avoid it as much as possible. For if there’s one thing I know about true love, it is that sooner or later, it results in a hostage situation. — Kinky Friedman

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world. — Kinky Friedman

Finding a cat––or having a cat find you––can change your world as much as marriage, divorce, love, death, or even winning the lottery can, and sometimes more. — Kinky Friedman

If you ain’t Texan, I ain’t got time for you. — Kinky Friedman

My definition of an artist is anyone who’s ahead of his time and behind on his rent. — Kinky Friedman

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There’s always time to be humble later, once you’ve been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong. — Kinky Friedman

Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot. — Kinky Friedman

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her. — Kinky Friedman

Always beware of people offering you one–time money. That only works in an election year. How are you going to permanently pay for education? — Kinky Friedman

In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time. — Kinky Friedman

You don’t accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that. — Kinky Friedman

Like most of us, I determined that I’d rather be a large part of the problem than a small part of the solution. — Kinky Friedman

People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they’re not getting it. — Kinky Friedman

We’ve got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians. — Kinky Friedman

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians. — Kinky Friedman

There will be a whole new spirit blowing through Texas. There will be a smile on everybody’s face and a chill up the spine of every politician. — Kinky Friedman

I don’t see how the people who created the problem can fix it. Texas is worth fighting for, and the best way to fight is to get the politicians out of politics. — Kinky Friedman

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won’t get a lot done in the mornings, but we’ll work late and be honest. — Kinky Friedman

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror. — Kinky Friedman

I want to be governor [of Texas] because I need the closet space. — Kinky Friedman

I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass. — Kinky Friedman

I’m not pro–life, and I’m not pro–choice. I’m pro–football. — Kinky Friedman

You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing. — Kinky Friedman

I don’t remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life. — Kinky Friedman

The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That’s very important in my life. — Kinky Friedman

All my adult life I’ve been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am. — Kinky Friedman

No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions. — Kinky Friedman

If Raymond Chandler came from the South, his name would be Ace Atkins. — Kinky Friedman

Simón Bolívar is the only person in history to be exiled from a country named after him. — Kinky Friedman

It wasn’t a healthy attitude, but it wasn’t really a healthy world. — Kinky Friedman

I’m well aware that the Nelson Mandelas and the Winston Churchills of the world happened by accident. They usually come out of nowhere. — Kinky Friedman

The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime. — Kinky Friedman

You have to work at it if you want to be a good smoker. Especially today with all the non–smoking world constantly harassing you. — Kinky Friedman

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world. — Kinky Friedman

I don’t think where people come from is that important. It doesn’t matter if you come from reality TV. The question is whether you can inspire people. — Kinky Friedman

I rarely meddled in the cat’s personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets. — Kinky Friedman