Introverts lack the motivation to go and socialize with other people. If if they want it, it requires to them a so big effort that we can understand they often give up. Their instincts pushes them to hold back even when they would love to have amazing friends in their circle. This can dangerously leads to regrets. In case you are an introvert or you are lacking confidence and you want to change to become more social here are is a complete guide to be more social.
What it means to be social?
Living or disposed to live in companionship with others or in a community, rather than in isolation. – Dictionary.com
This guide was made by an ex-shy guy and contains all the hacks and tips needed to become super social and popular. You’ll be able to use it to meet people and make friends at work, college or in your daily life.
1. Find the right place to be social
Because it’s not the easiest to be social in a nightclub or at a meeting in front of 30 people, it’s better to focus first on places where you feel more comfortable and not under pressure.
This way, you can more easily try to talk to people because the environment is friendly for it and people are excepting and enjoying that you talk to them. Here are 4 places you can easily be social.
Traveling is a really good way to meet hundred of people in a really short period. When we travel we suddenly change our habits, environment, stimulus… our brain becomes more flexible in order to adapt faster. We also are more motivated to see new things, experiment new moments and of course meet new people.
Therefore, traveling becomes a nice and efficient way to socialize and meet awesome friends. People that travel are also really open-minded and friendly so will rarely reject you (never actually).
How to socializing while traveling?
– Stay with locals (you can use Couchsurfing or Airbnb)
– Go on guide tours (you can find free ones here)
– Participate to local events
– Join travelers groups
– Youth Hostels are full of open and friendly people you can be friend with in a snap
Museums and events
When it comes to socializing we don’t think to them, but once there we can make so many friends that match our personality!
Choose one that fit your interest and go spend few hours there. Museums and events are the perfect place to meet new people especially if you are a nerdy guy, passionate, or the intelligent shy type.
It’s a peaceful and beautiful environment where all the people around you share a common interest with you. You have also an infinite possibilities of topics to start a discussion and a lot of opportunities for socializing.
How to socialize in events and museums?
– The queue: generally, in events there are always some queues with people bored waiting their turn. Ask an information about the tour “do you know how much time it takes to see this museum?” or basically any question a bit tricky so they can’t just answer by yes or no so you can create opportunities to build a conversation.
– Benches or bar: There is a moment when people just get tired or need a break and sit heavily on a bench or go to take a dream. You can sit close to someone you like and start the conversation. If you struggle you can start by asking something like when close the museum or a detail. Nobody will repress you for asking this.
– The weird piece of art: Stop in front of an art that you are not sure about the interpretation, and ask someone watching it “I’m not sure about what it means, what do you think it is?” from there you can move to more general topics about your interest or her.
Hiking, sports and outdoor activities
Hiking and outdoor activities in general are really interesting ways of meeting people. First because it’s an open space in nature, people are relaxed, they feel free, they are doing a sportive activity and they are with people that are pleasant (you have less chance to find a jerk hiking than in a night club).
For all those reasons people are in a good mood and receptive. They are not excepting you to become friends with them but they enjoy some company to walk. Furthermore, you can often see foreigners that are traveling, and they generally have the open mind that goes with it.
Of course it doesn’t mean everyone is like this, some people prefer to walk alone to enjoy the nature, others will be receptive for a quick talk and follow their own walking rhythm, ect. But globally you will notice that the climate is much more favorable for contact. Everyone is following the same path which makes it easier to find someone.
How to socialize during hiking and outdoor activities
Then you can just say something about the path like “do you know where this path is going?”, “Am I still on the red path?”, “do you know how long is this path before arriving in the town”. Those kind of questions are pretty legitimate and nobody will reject you. From there if you feel the person open you can jump to more casual questions like “Where are you from?”, “Is it your first time here?”, the basic stuffs.
2. Find Things to say and build discussion
What to say and how to avoid awkwardness? It may sounds tricky to go to speak to someone random you don’t even know the name and find interesting topics to talk about. Here are a few mechanisms you can use to quickly move to small and embarrassing talk to really deep and meaningful conversation:
Don’t be afraid of Small talks
You may think that small talk is useless and that it is only what shallow people indulge in. Surprisingly, small talk is a great starting point when two people meet.
Some time is needed for two people meeting for the first time to feel comfortable when they are around each other. This is the period where each has the opportunity to single out subconscious stuff like whether the other person is friendly, or if they can be an ally, a partner, or someone to cut ties with.
Remember the 4 universal go-to questions that make it easy to start conversations. One helpful tactic to help you be more social at any social setting is memorizing the following questions:
• Hello, how are you?
• How do you know the people around here?
• Where do you come from?
• What do you do?
Of course, you don’t ask them all at once, use them only when the current topic of discussion dies out. Alternatively, with another set of questions to go back to, you will find it easier to start small talks and the people around you will see you as a social person. You can find a list of question to ask in order to progress from the small talk to a deep conversations, click here to see them.
There are several challenges introverts face when it comes to being more social. They need not worry since it is something they can overcome with time and with the right attitude.
4 tips to generate infinite numbers of discussions ideas
1. Make Deductions
The goal is to play the detective.
Pay attention to small details, the fashion style is often correlate to the personality, the jewelry to ideology or relations, the speed and way of walking or speaking correlated to determined or lunatic people…
Try to notice any singularity about the person, physical, non-verbal, behavioral, and from this you claim a deduction. If your deduction is wrong the person may laugh and ask why you think so, and correct you then, from there you can build a new conversation. The same if you are right. Social people are just people that know how to pay attention to others and make them feel great about them!
2. Trigger Emotions
If we like to be social is because it triggers emotions that feel good. You can achieve this asking simple questions. Emotional challengers are questions that are emotionally reaction oriented, and proved to be liked to answer to them because they make them feel good sensations thinking to the answer. There were even some cases where both people asking and answering those questions falled in love. Psychologists established a list of those questions, download them here.
3. Intellectual Scaling
Intellectual scaling consists to move from a really basic fact or note that you can find everywhere to a debate or deep discussion.
The goal is to use your environment to quickly generate ideas and to transform into creative and open discussions. It can’t be hard to move from the fact to an interesting conversation, but if you keep talking you will find a bridge quickly.
To make it smooth and effortless you can use this simple process.
Facts => Trends => Consequences / View of the trend => Goal life / Ideology
Ex : Let’s say you see a church, you can ask “ow I can see a church here, are people in the area believers?” and then move to something deeper “do you believe that faith has an impact on life?”
Ex: Another example, you are walking with someone in a park “it’s nice that the city has this park, I really enjoy green space” and then move to “do you like nature?” then if the person answer yes you can go even deeper “by living in a city you are renouncing to being close to nature, why are you making this sacrifice?”.
4. Speak About You
There is nothing wrong speaking about you.
It may sound impolite because you may be afraid to appear egocentric, but it’s all about finding an equilibrium between monopolizing the conversation speaking about yourself and pushing the other person to maintain a monologue.
If some people like to listen themselves speaking, others will feel sad to spend time with you without learning anything about you. Being social is consenting to exchanging and sharing with people. It will of course strongly depend on the character of the person you are talking to, but speaking about you times to times will allow you to find if the person is interested about you. It’s a good way of starting a conversation and show to the person that you are open to share about you or your life.
You can say something like “ow this place reminds me where I was spending the the summer holidays” or “I miss going to concerts”. If you feel that what you say about you is not listened or taking in consideration you don’t need to insist, just pass in plane mode and let the person do the conversation.
3. step by step you gonna make it
Of course, as any challenge, becoming more social is not an overnight process. And this is why it is so interesting. You can evolve for better and each day you spend trying to be more social is a day you gonna be more social, happy and fulfilled. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Say something, learn something
Anyone prone to over-thinking might have worries about saying the wrong thing that that you will regret later. The unnecessary fear of saying something silly can make you a quiet person; it is worse not to say anything at all than mentioning something stupid once in a while.
It is human to say something silly or awkward because remaining silent keeps people from connecting with you. After all, when was the last time you judged someone for saying something awkward? You probably don’t remember ever noticing that, but you can remember when people remain silent since you thought that maybe they don’t like you at all.
Engage in something outside your comfort zone and make it a habit. It doesn’t mean taking part in scary activities rather, just doing something you don’t normally do. For instance, if you usually ignore someone you see quite often, give them a nod; if you usually give them a nod, smile at them; eventually, ask them how they’re doing if you usually smile at them. As mentioned, this is not super-scary at all, just something new with your usual behavior. Gradually and with no pain at all, you become more social. Similar changes amount to significant differences with time.
If you don’t feel it, don’t do it
Break the pattern of being by yourself; showing up means you have already accomplished that. In case you don’t like the party, feel free to leave the place after 20 minutes. It gets easier to say yes to invitations when you can go to parties and spend 20 minutes without trying to impress people. It is advisable however not to make new friends at parties. It’s not your best choice.