Unfortunately, propaganda works. — Andy Rooney

It isn’t working that’s so hard, it’s getting ready to work. — Andy Rooney

Creativity is a by–product of hard work. If I never have another really new idea, it won’t matter. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done. — Andy Rooney

You really can’t blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They’ve got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not. — Andy Rooney

I am interested in details. If you go into anything far enough, you get into the details of it, and people turn out to be interested in what makes things work. — Andy Rooney

I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish. — Andy Rooney

I try to look nice. I comb my hair, I tie my tie, I put on a jacket, but I draw the line when it comes to trimming my eyebrows. You work with what you got. — Andy Rooney

I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned …. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned …. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That you should never say no to a gift from a child. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you… More — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. — Andy Rooney

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books–how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… that just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That money doesn’t buy class. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned … that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That when you’re in love, it shows. — Andy Rooney

Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love. — Andy Rooney

The Christmas tree is a symbol of love, not money. There’s a kind of glory to them when they’re all lit up that exceeds anything all the money in the world could buy. — Andy Rooney

I’ve done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I’ve complained about, I can’t complain about my life. — Andy Rooney

There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher. — Andy Rooney

When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools. — Andy Rooney

It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone. — Andy Rooney

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives. — Andy Rooney

One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend. — Andy Rooney

Small daily happenings make life spectacular…. start enjoying the small things in life! — Andy Rooney

The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. — Andy Rooney

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens. — Andy Rooney

Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We’re annoyed by the wait but pleased with the lift. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. — Andy Rooney

In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book. — Andy Rooney

One of my major shortcomings–I’m vindictive. I don’t know why that is. Even in petty things in my life I tend to strike back. It’s a lot more pleasurable a sensation than feeling threatened. — Andy Rooney

I’ve learned… That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life. — Andy Rooney

Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they’ll be okay if they’re left alone. — Andy Rooney

Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion–as long as it agrees with ours. — Andy Rooney

I’m already suspicious of anyone who thinks he or she is smart enough to be president. You’d have to have some ego to believe that about yourself. — Andy Rooney

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe. — Andy Rooney

I don’t differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural. — Andy Rooney

I’d be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn’t believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don’t think it does. — Andy Rooney

I can’t choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it. — Andy Rooney

I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business. — Andy Rooney

The best classroom in The world is at The feet of an elderly person. — Andy Rooney

It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything. — Andy Rooney

When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment. — Andy Rooney

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.’ ~ (1919–), American writer, producer, humorist. — Andy Rooney

I did not believe in the war. I thought it was wrong to go into any war. And I got to the war, and saw the Germans, and I changed my mind. I decided we were right going into World War II. — Andy Rooney