In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you! — Yakov Smirnoff

I came to America to make it my home, and I did. — Yakov Smirnoff

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you! — Yakov Smirnoff

In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job! — Yakov Smirnoff

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you! — Yakov Smirnoff

My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love. — Yakov Smirnoff

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. — Yakov Smirnoff

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter. — Yakov Smirnoff

When the needs of one person are being met by the other, there is laughter. — Yakov Smirnoff

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. — Yakov Smirnoff

I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else. — Yakov Smirnoff

A Russian Reversal quote on Uncyclopedia’s Soviet Union article? How original. — Yakov Smirnoff

Russian men have a saying: ‘Women are like buses…’ That’s it. — Yakov Smirnoff

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing–like showering. — Yakov Smirnoff

We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we’ve heard in fairy tales. — Yakov Smirnoff

I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good. — Yakov Smirnoff

We have a choice–we can both think and feel, using our heads and our hearts. — Yakov Smirnoff

We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel. — Yakov Smirnoff

Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year. — Yakov Smirnoff

People in Tulsa are totally friendly; the crowds are very nice. — Yakov Smirnoff

If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it. — Yakov Smirnoff

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. — Yakov Smirnoff

If love is the treasure, laughter is the key. — Yakov Smirnoff

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. — Yakov Smirnoff

I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter. — Yakov Smirnoff