The Best Tommy Cooper quotes

Tommy Cooper quotes thumbnail

One of the most well-known and loved British comedians of all time was Tommy Cooper. His career in show business spanned more than four decades, and his unique sense of humor made him a fan favorite. Despite his popularity, Cooper led a surprisingly private life, which is often overshadowed by his on-stage persona. In this blog post, we’ll take a look at the life and achievements of Tommy Cooper.

We are glad to present you the strongest Doctor, Wife, Bought, Leg quotes from Tommy Cooper, and much more.


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About Tommy Cooper

birth of the author

19 March 1921

death of the author

15 April 1984

deathcause of the author

Cause Of Death:
Heart Attack

occupation of the author

Prop Comedian, Magician

date of the author

Years Active:


I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. โ€” Tommy Cooper

Went to the corner shopโ€“bought 4 corners. โ€” Tommy Cooper

I bought some pork chops and told the butcher to make them lean. He said, ‘Which way?’ โ€” Tommy Cooper

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It’s costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. โ€” Tommy Cooper

i went window shopping today i bought four windows Tommy Cooper quote


Well, my wife and I were married in a toiletโ€“it was a marriage of convenience! โ€” Tommy Cooper

I’ve got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect! โ€” Tommy Cooper

My wife had a bad habit of biting her nails, but I cured her. I hid her teeth. โ€” Tommy Cooper

My wife said, ‘Take me in your arms and whisper something soft and sweet.’ I said, ‘chocolate fudge.’ โ€” Tommy Cooper

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair. โ€” Tommy Cooper

well my wife and i were married in a toilet it was a marriage of convenience Tommy Cooper quote

My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds. โ€” Tommy Cooper


Doctor, I can’t pronounce my F’s, T’s and H’s.’ ‘Well you can’t say fairer than that then โ€” Tommy Cooper

A man walked into the doctor’s, The doctor said ‘I haven’t seen you in a long time’ The man replied, ‘I know I’ve been ill’. โ€” Tommy Cooper

A woman tells her doctor, ‘I’ve got a bad back.’ The doctor says, ‘It’s old age.’ The woman says, ‘I want a second opinion.’ The doctor says: ‘Okayโ€“you’re ugly as well.’ โ€” Tommy Cooper

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, ‘have you got anything for wind?’ So he gave me a kite. โ€” Tommy Cooper

doctor i can t pronounce my f s t s and h s well you can t say fairer than that then Tommy Cooper quote


I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, ‘Have you got frog’s legs?’ He said, ‘Yes,’ so I said, ‘Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.’ โ€” Tommy Cooper

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, ‘Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!’ The doctor replied, ‘I know you can’t, I had to amputate your arms โ€” Tommy Cooper

He said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, ‘That’s a turnโ€“up for the books’. โ€” Tommy Cooper

So he said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.’ I thought ‘That’s a turnโ€“up for the books.’ โ€” Tommy Cooper

Inspiring Phrases From Tommy Cooper

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas. โ€” Tommy Cooper

and an airplane of spittle dived into the sea there were no salivas Tommy Cooper quote

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too. โ€” Tommy Cooper

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road. โ€” Tommy Cooper

I always sit in the tail end of a plane, always. You never hear of an plane backing into a mountain. โ€” Tommy Cooper

They always say start at the bottom if you want to learn something. But suppose you want to learn to swim? โ€” Tommy Cooper

Redundant Thematics

In Tommy Cooper Statements


Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted. โ€” Tommy Cooper

A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar. โ€” Tommy Cooper

Various Statements From Tommy Cooper

So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: ‘What do you want’, I said, ‘I want to stay here’. She said, ‘Well stay there’ and shut the window. โ€” Tommy Cooper

It’s strange, isn’t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh’ and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. โ€” Tommy Cooper

Two fish in a tank, one says to the otherโ€“you drive I’ll man the guns. โ€” Tommy Cooper

Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house. โ€” Tommy Cooper

two fish in a tank one says to the other you drive i ll man the guns Tommy Cooper quote

So a man jumps into a taxi and says ‘King Arthur’s close’ and the taxi driver says, ‘don’t worry we’ll lose him at the next lights’. โ€” Tommy Cooper

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said ‘Hey, you’ve got your sleeve in my drink’, man replied, ‘There’s no arm in it’ โ€” Tommy Cooper

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. โ€” Tommy Cooper

More Phrases From Tommy Cooper

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything. โ€” Tommy Cooper

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ โ€” Tommy Cooper

a jump lead walks into a bar the barman says i ll serve you but don t start anything Tommy Cooper quote

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ‘Your eyes sparkle like diamonds’. I said ‘Waiter, I asked for aโ€“ROMATIC duck’. โ€” Tommy Cooper

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure. โ€” Tommy Cooper

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. โ€” Tommy Cooper

A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. โ€” Tommy Cooper

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’ โ€” Tommy Cooper

i used to be indecisive but now i am not quite sure Tommy Cooper quote

TOMMY COOPER Quotes Take Away

Although Imelda Marcos and Tommy Cooper come from different backgrounds, they share one common trait: an appreciation of the power of words. In a world where it seems like everything is moving faster and becoming more complex, their quotes remind us to take a step back and appreciate the simple things in life. And what could be simpler than the act of learning? At Stonebridge College we believe that education should be accessible to everyone, which is why we offer a variety of courses both online and in-person. Whether youโ€™re looking to improve your career prospects or simply learn for the love of learning, we have something for you.

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