I can’t even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery. — Paul Lynde

If I’m not working, I don’t know what to do. — Paul Lynde

I don’t understand why people don’t remember my name. — Paul Lynde

I think basically an actor is a salesman. — Paul Lynde

My table seats eight, so that’s my maximum. Having a small number of guests is the only way to generate good conversation. Besides, your whole house doesn’t get wrecked that way. — Paul Lynde

I’m used to living alone, and I like it that way. You become so selfish living alone…I’d make a terrible husband anyway. — Paul Lynde

A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be the coldest place in the world. — Paul Lynde

I cant stand those food cult people who bring their own food into the house. All those little thermoses and paper bags–it makes the other guests uncomfortable. — Paul Lynde

The doctor’s name was Sylvia. I told her she’d have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother’s name. — Paul Lynde

I may find something that looks interesting and then go on to alter the recipe by adding spices, things of my own. I also look for time–saving recipes, dishes that can be prepared ahead and stored. — Paul Lynde

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that. — Paul Lynde

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household. — Paul Lynde

If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death. — Paul Lynde

If I hadn’t become a celebrity, I’d probably be an alcoholic. — Paul Lynde

I wish I had the nerve not to tip. — Paul Lynde

I feel now it’s useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I’ve decided if I can make people laugh, I’m making a more important contribution. — Paul Lynde

As far as cookbooks go, I think Joy of Cooking is a classic. I’ve used it over and over again. Julia Child frustrates me. By the time you get all her herbs together, you’re exhausted — Paul Lynde

I don’t always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I’ll just serve a simple quiche, salad and dessert for dinner. During the week I try to eat lightly. — Paul Lynde

My body may have been abused, but it certainly hasn’t been neglected. — Paul Lynde

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable. — Paul Lynde

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. — Paul Lynde

I laughed all the way through Love Story. — Paul Lynde

My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business. — Paul Lynde

My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it’s not clean–and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors–or the tables, for that matter. — Paul Lynde

An actor shouldn’t undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you’re better off not knowing. — Paul Lynde

I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never take just water. Instead, I’ll have maybe six glasses of vegetable and fruit juices a day. — Paul Lynde

Outsiders develop humor as a defense; why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish? — Paul Lynde

When I said I didn’t have a cent, I didn’t. I used to get annoyed with people who said they were broke when they had five dollars. — Paul Lynde

A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world. — Paul Lynde

I was obsessed with being rich and famous. — Paul Lynde

Mothers don’t want to pinch me or put me in their purse. — Paul Lynde

Peter Marshall: A western saddle has a curved horn on the front to hold something for the cowboy. What is it? — Paul Lynde

Women are my best friends, my best audience. If I look out from the stage and see a lot of men, I know I’m in trouble — Paul Lynde

I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I always pour wine from that. — Paul Lynde

I’m Liberace without a piano. — Paul Lynde

The whole romantic part of my life was a wipeout. I didn’t even own a belt. — Paul Lynde

Politicians… talk in generalities and lies, and I think they’ve caused all our grief. They’re so awful, they’re really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics. — Paul Lynde

The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I’d get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I never got to talk to you. — Paul Lynde

It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me back into going on stage. — Paul Lynde

My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly. — Paul Lynde

Sandwiches are wonderful. You don’t need a spoon or a plate! — Paul Lynde

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185. — Paul Lynde