You see, I don’t belive that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, that has been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians. — Graham Chapman

You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives. — Graham Chapman

When you’re chewing on life’s gristle Don’t grumble, give a whistle And this’ll help things turn out for the best… And…always look on the bright side of life… Always look on the light side of life. — Graham Chapman

An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition… A contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.’ No, it’s not. — Graham Chapman

I mean, if I went ’round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away! — Graham Chapman

One, two, … five!’ ‘Three, my lord. — Graham Chapman

Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government. — Graham Chapman

Help! Help! I’m being repressed! — Terry Gilliam

All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person. — Graham Chapman

One thing for sure–a sheep is not a creature of the air. — Graham Chapman

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? — Graham Chapman

Oh Lord please don’t burn us don’t kill or toast your flock. Don’t put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don’t bake or baste or boil us or stir–fry us in a wok. — Graham Chapman

Stormy in love, stormy in interviews, breakfast in bed–that’s me, love. — Graham Chapman

Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she’s a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] … I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway! — Graham Chapman

There is no cannibalism in the British Navy, absolutely none. And when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than I personally admit. — Graham Chapman

I am known by many names, but you may call me…Tim. — Graham Chapman

Death can really absorb a person. Lik most people, I would find it pleasant not to have to go, but you just accept that it’s more or less inevitable. — Graham Chapman

We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki–ekki–ekki–pitang–zoom–boing! — Graham Chapman

John Howard Davies was not a very human person … if you made a mistake of any kind, any sort of pause in speech, he would treat you rather as if he was a schoolmaster. — Graham Chapman

Mcgough: I’m sorry. I’m afraid I’ve caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don’t worry, sir–I used to suffer from short stories. Mcgough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time… — Graham Chapman

Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it’s up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply. — Graham Chapman

Camelot is a silly place. — Graham Chapman

Tis but a scratch!’ ‘A scratch? Your arm’s off!’ ‘No it isn’t.’ ‘Then what’s that?’ ‘Oh come on, pansy! — Graham Chapman

At that time, a friend shall lose his friend’s hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before. — Graham Chapman

She turned me into a newt. … But I got better… — Graham Chapman

Sir Bedevere: ‘Tell me, what do you do with witches?’ Crowd: ‘Burn, burn them up!’ Sir Bedevere: ‘And what do you burn apart from witches?’ Villager: ‘More witches! — Monty Python And The Holy Grail

It’s nice to see that look of alarm on the faces of the others. — Graham Chapman

When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled. — Graham Chapman