The Best Lenny Bruce quotes

Satire is tragedy plus time. — Lenny Bruce

I think it’s about time we gave up religion and got back to God. — Lenny Bruce

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin’ back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they’re gone. — Lenny Bruce

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it. — Lenny Bruce

I am influenced by every second of my waking hour. — Lenny Bruce

Life is a four–letter word. — Lenny Bruce

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God. — Lenny Bruce

I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose–stepping again. — Lenny Bruce

I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money. — Lenny Bruce

Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich. — Lenny Bruce

People are leaving the church and going back to God. — Lenny Bruce

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can’t fake it. — Lenny Bruce

What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh–comedy as electro shock therapy. — Lenny Bruce

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can’t fake it… try to fake three laughs in an hour–ha ha ha ha ha–they’ll take you away, man. You can’t. — Lenny Bruce

The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central. — Lenny Bruce

You can’t do anything with anybody’s body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person–you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty. — Lenny Bruce

If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer. — Lenny Bruce

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer. — Lenny Bruce

If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that’s dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer. — Lenny Bruce

I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. we used to wrIte essays lIke: what I’m goIng to be If I grow up. — Lenny Bruce

I know what ‘custody’ [of the children] means. ‘Get even.’ That’s all custody means. Get even with your old lady. — Lenny Bruce

Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it’s healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood. — Lenny Bruce

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses. — Lenny Bruce

I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day. — Lenny Bruce

Tv is just advertising for your live gig, so I’m playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd. — Lenny Bruce

Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you’re Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish. — Lenny Bruce

I wanted out of the navy so bad in ’45, I faked homo to get a discharge. It didn’t matter that the Germans surrendered, I knew we were heading to Japan and I was done with that scene. — Lenny Bruce

Sex and obscenity are not synonymous. — Lenny Bruce

If you can’t say ‘Fuck’ you can’t say, ‘Fuck the government. — Lenny Bruce

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls. — Lenny Bruce

Wouldn’t it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to? — Lenny Bruce

There are never enough I Love You’s. — Lenny Bruce

Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there’s no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter. — Lenny Bruce

The ‘what should be’ never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no ‘what should be,’ there is only what is. — Lenny Bruce

Take away the right to say ‘fuck’ and you take away the right to say ‘fuck the government. — Lenny Bruce

If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was. — Lenny Bruce

You know there’s no crooked politicians. There’s never a lie because there is never any truth. — Lenny Bruce

I’ve been accused of bad taste, and I’ll go down to my grave accused of it and always by the same people, the ones who eat in restaurants that reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. — Lenny Bruce

I hate small towns because once you’ve seen the cannon in the park there’s nothing else to do. — Lenny Bruce

What is truth today may be a damn lie next week. — Lenny Bruce

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. — Lenny Bruce

If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career. — Lenny Bruce