The Best Johnny Carson quotes

Johnny Carson quotes thumbnail

What can you learn about success from the life of Johnny Carson? Plenty, it turns out. Carson was a master at turning his failures into successes and maintaining a positive attitude in the face of adversity. In this blog post, we’ll take a look at some of the most important lessons entrepreneurs can learn from the life of Johnny Carson.

We are glad to present you the best Money, President, Happiness, Time, Life quotes from Johnny Carson, and much more.


About Johnny Carson

birth of the author

October 23, 1925

death of the author

January 23, 2005

medium of the author


college of the author

Alma Mater:
University Of Nebraska-Lincoln

date of the author

Years Active:

genre of the author

Observational Comedy, Surreal Humor, Satire, Deadpan, Sketch Comedy


Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday. — Johnny Carson

Happiness is…..finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry. — Johnny Carson

Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat. — Johnny Carson

Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples. — Johnny Carson

happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday Johnny Carson quote

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak. — Johnny Carson

Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor’s vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony. — Johnny Carson

Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard. — Johnny Carson

Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he’s been accepted to an expensive college. — Johnny Carson

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented. — Johnny Carson

happiness is finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry Johnny Carson quote

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. — Johnny Carson


I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else. — Johnny Carson

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. — Johnny Carson

May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat! — Johnny Carson

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. — Johnny Carson

i demand my right to a private life just as i respect that right for everybody else Johnny Carson quote


Money gives me just one big thing that’s really important, and that’s the freedom of not having to worry about money. — Johnny Carson

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. — Johnny Carson

Democracy is buying a big house you can’t afford with money you don’t have to impress people you wish were dead. — Johnny Carson

I work because I enjoy what I’m doing, and the fact that I make money at it–big money–is a fine–and–dandy side fact. — Johnny Carson

Believe me, you don’t walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away. — Johnny Carson

the only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money Johnny Carson quote


I have an ego like anybody else, but I don’t need to be stoked by going before the public all the time. — Johnny Carson

I never analyze it. Analyzing it would just be a waste of time. I just go out and do it. — Johnny Carson

Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he’ll sing it to me. — Johnny Carson

Redundant Thematics

In Johnny Carson Statements


From the time I was a little kid, I was always shy. Performing was when I was outgoing. So I guess I am a loner. I get claustrophobia if a lot of people are around. — Johnny Carson

Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: ‘Are your ready?’ — Johnny Carson

i never analyze it analyzing it would just be a waste of time i just go out and do it Johnny Carson quote

There comes a time or a moment when you know in which direction you’re going to go. I know it happened to me when I was quite young. — Johnny Carson

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved. — Johnny Carson

Audiences have proved time and again that they don’t want a steady diet of any entertainer airing his social views–especially if he’s a comedian. — Johnny Carson

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. — Johnny Carson

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. — Johnny Carson

new york is an exciting town where something is happening all the time most unsolved Johnny Carson quote

I have no use for eight houses, 88 cars and 500 suits. I can’t eat but one steak at a time. I don’t want but one woman. It’s silly to have as one’s sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth. — Johnny Carson

I am one of the lucky people in the world: I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it. — Johnny Carson

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. — Johnny Carson


Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president. — Johnny Carson

The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he’ll be two weeks older. — Johnny Carson

Did you know Richard Nixon is the only president whose formal portrait was painted by a police sketch artist? — Johnny Carson

I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over. — Johnny Carson

Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn’t seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods. — Johnny Carson

JOHNNY CARSON Quotes Take Away

Although he passed away over a decade ago, Carson’s words still ring true. He was an entertainer and business mogul for over 50 years and his advice is as relevant now as it ever was. If you want to learn more about how to be successful in life or in your career, check out our courses. We have everything from tips on public speaking to courses that will help you start your own business. Whatever your goals may be, we can help you achieve them.


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