The Best John Mulaney quotes

Part of standup is being loose and having a good time yourself and that translates to the audience. — John Mulaney

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting. — John Mulaney

Late at night, on the street, women will see me as a threat. That is funny, yeah! It’s kind of flattering in its own way, but at the same time, it’s weird because, like, I’m still afraid of being kidnapped. — John Mulaney

The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time. — John Mulaney

That was an interesting thing I learned I think the first time I did a late night show or something. It was like, “Oh, this is for the camera and a performance that you’re giving to the people at home. — John Mulaney

Most open–mic experiences I had were okay. — John Mulaney

In every case, I find pre–planning noble, but not always that useful in comedy. You know comedy once you’re doing it. — John Mulaney

I just watched a ton of comedy and saw a ton of different styles, and eventually you think, ‘Oh, yeah, I could be like that.’ — John Mulaney

Having done stand–up on television and in stand–up specials for like Comedy Central, you learn quickly that for that type of performance you’re playing to the camera. — John Mulaney

There are a lot of great jokes you can sit down and write, but that’s just a written joke, versus the comedy of the situation. Ideally, you’re pulling as much comedy out of the situation as you can. — John Mulaney

It’s 100% easier not to do things than to do them. — John Mulaney

If something is very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it’s truly funny, then it’s worth doing. Things aren’t worth doing for the sake of being controversial. — John Mulaney

My dad is and was very funny and had a really dry sense of humor, which, as a kid, seemed un–fun. But in retrospect, it’s kind of hilarious. — John Mulaney

I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don’t feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience. — John Mulaney

I kind of thought, wouldn’t it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of mainstream? — John Mulaney

Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome. — John Mulaney

It was funny to be an emcee, because you’re so at the mercy of the club. You can show up for the weekend hoping to get the $400–and get fired. I had to prank whoever they told me to prank. — John Mulaney

I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I’ve always enjoyed it. There’s just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me. — John Mulaney

I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn’t matter. Everything I thought would work didn’t work. And everything I was iffy on was funny. — John Mulaney

You should be able to say I don’t know. That should be an acceptable answer on a test. — John Mulaney

I do longer runs on things, a lot stories. I really like one–liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I’ve always been long–winded. — John Mulaney

Nick Kroll, A.D. Miles, Chelsea Peretti–those were the people I was always doing open mics with. — John Mulaney

Things don’t exist until they exist. — John Mulaney

I like that idea that what I do might be mainstream. Might be. — John Mulaney

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” You’re not allowed to milk a cow that you don’t own. That’s not even a situation. Was that a problem at one point? — John Mulaney