The Best Jackie Gleason quotes

My handle’s Smokey Bear and I’m tail–grabbin yo ass right now! — Buford T. Justice

I always knew what I was doing. — Jackie Gleason

How sweet it is! — Jackie Gleason

The author O. Henry taught me about the value of the unexpected. He once wrote about the noise of flowers and the smell of birds–the birds were chickens and the flowers dried sunflowers rattling against a wall. — Chuck Jones

I have no use for humility. I am a fellow with an exceptional talent. — Jackie Gleason

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable. — Jackie Gleason

Disney was not a good animator, he didn’t draw well at all, but he was always a great idea man, and a good writer. — Chuck Jones

I didn’t have things as a child, and I was determined to get them. — Jackie Gleason

Mark Twain’s Roughing It is a book that many people don’t know about, but I highly recommend to anybody at any age. — Chuck Jones

Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you’re the goddamnedest pursuee I’ve ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SUMBITCH? — Buford T. Justice

In 1918, when I was 6 or 7 years old, radio was just coming into use in the Great War. — Chuck Jones

Human beings will line up for miles to buy a bucket of catastrophes, but don’t try selling sunshine and light–you’ll go broke. — Chuck Jones

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can’t resist the impulse. — Jackie Gleason

I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality…. So I knew that I had to create some characters. — Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason said that comedy is the most exacting form of dramatic art, because it has an instant critic: laughter. — Chuck Jones

I have a ‘Play The Melody’ philosophy. It means don’t over arrange, don’t make life difficult. Just play the melody–and do it the simplest way possible. — Jackie Gleason

Each character represented a trait that resides in me. — Chuck Jones

The best part of you ran down your mother’s legs. — Jackie Gleason

If you start with character, you probably will end up with good drawings. — Chuck Jones

If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don’t know you have it, you don’t have it. If you don’t have it but you think you have it, then you have it. — Jackie Gleason

Painting does what we cannot do–it brings a three–dimensional world into a two–dimensional plane. — Chuck Jones

I drink for the honorable purpose of getting bagged. — Jackie Gleason

This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin’ around with those show folk fags. — Buford T. Justice

There’s no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I’m gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth! — Buford T. Justice

If you want a midget to look like a baby, don’t put a cigar in his mouth. — Chuck Jones

The only thing an adult can give a child is time. — Chuck Jones

Bandit I got a smokey report for you. Come on! — Buford T. Justice

The whole essence of good drawing–and of good thinking, perhaps–is to work a subject down to the simplest form possible and still have it believable for what it is meant to be. — Chuck Jones

The Miami Beach audience is the greatest audience in the world! — Jackie Gleason

The worst thing you can do with money is save it. — Jackie Gleason

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us. — Jackie Gleason

I have come to know Bugs so well that I no longer have to think about what he is doing in any situation. — Chuck Jones

I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets. — Jackie Gleason

I saw that, you sumbitch! You did that on purpose! You’re going away till you’re gray! I got the evidence! — Buford T. Justice

Modesty is the artifice of actors, similar to passion in call girls. — Jackie Gleason

I’m not givin’ up! I’m not givin’ up! — Buford T. Justice

The only thing better than one of my songs is one of my songs with a glass of scotch. — Jackie Gleason

When critics sit in judgment it is hard to tell where justice leaves off and vengeance begins. — Chuck Jones

One of these days… One of these days… Pow! Right in the kisser! — Jackie Gleason

Modesty in an actor is as fake as passion in a call girl. — Jackie Gleason

Give me a diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I’m in a god–damn hurry. — Buford T. Justice

Every artist has thousands of bad drawings in them and the only way to get rid of them is to draw them out. — Chuck Jones