The Best Greg Behrendt quotes

He may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he’s just not that into you. — Greg Behrendt

People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love. — Greg Behrendt

I believe in love the verb, not the noun. — Greg Behrendt

People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade. — Greg Behrendt

I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it. — Greg Behrendt

I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That’s too much pressure to put on a relationship. — Greg Behrendt

He doesn’t have to love your CD collection. He doesn’t have to love your shoes. But any good, mature guy better make an attempt to love your friends and family–especially when they’re great. — Greg Behrendt

She didn’t love me that much, but she moved in with me. That’s a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That’s a minus. — Greg Behrendt

Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time. — Greg Behrendt

I’m not a big fan of comedy roasts because most of the time I find them to be really mean, but once in a while, you’ll hear something perfectly worded and well–crafted. — Greg Behrendt

The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself. — Greg Behrendt

Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted. — Greg Behrendt

I’m just not interested in daytime television, which is something you should remember the next time somebody offers you a daytime talk show. — Greg Behrendt

Every time you see him, you only make yourself vulnerable to further heartache. Do you really need further proof that he’s getting on with his life without you? — Greg Behrendt

It’s time to stop pretending I’m ok with things I’m not ok with like all insects and Foster the People. — Greg Behrendt

Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears. — Greg Behrendt

Why should you feel honored for getting scraps of his time? — Greg Behrendt

This life is yours and no one else’s, and if you spend your time looking at other people’s pages, you’ll never get anything done. — Greg Behrendt

When we’re picking someone who we want to spend a lot of time with, even perhaps for the rest of our lives, we generally try to pick someone who likes to do the things we like to do. — Greg Behrendt

Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that–wasted time. — Greg Behrendt

Cheating gets easier every time it’s done. It’s only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone’s trust. — Greg Behrendt

The reason it’s so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. — Greg Behrendt

Be yourself. If something you do doesn’t work, don’t do it the next time. Listen to yourself–you know what appropriate behavior is. — Greg Behrendt

Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they’re working it out on your time and with your heart. — Greg Behrendt

Send her a quick note while you`re stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster. — Greg Behrendt

A good indication that it’s not is if you’re only staying with What’s His Name because you’re scared. — Greg Behrendt

We were raised to pursue women… Most of the guys I know enjoy the pursuit. But that doesn’t mean women should be wallflowers. — Greg Behrendt

I’m tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships. — Greg Behrendt

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. — Greg Behrendt

Turning a breakup into a break–over … We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself. — Greg Behrendt

There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get back together with your crappy ex–boyfriend. — Greg Behrendt

Most people don’t want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves. — Greg Behrendt

As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that’s why I call her as often as I do. — Greg Behrendt

I’m just saying, tonight, if you’re going through a breakup and you’re drinking, don’t call. Just don’t do it. Don’t call. Because here’s the thing: booze has information in it! — Greg Behrendt

Let’s call cheating what it is: a complete betrayal of trust. — Greg Behrendt

When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you. — Greg Behrendt

We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep. — Greg Behrendt

The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it’s over–it’s over. No more confusion! — Greg Behrendt

Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself. — Greg Behrendt

Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life–changing. — Greg Behrendt

Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain–but that’s all. — Greg Behrendt

If you bury the pain deep down it will stay with you indefinitely, but if you open yourself to it, experience it, and deal with it head–on, you’ll find it begins to move on after a while. — Greg Behrendt

Don’t you want the guy who’ll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you? — Greg Behrendt

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with. — Greg Behrendt

You are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person. — Greg Behrendt

Part of being a comedian is that it’s your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities. — Greg Behrendt

I’ve learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work. — Greg Behrendt

For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing. — Greg Behrendt

Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you’re with is a big, selfish jerk. — Greg Behrendt

I’m fascinated with human relationships. I advocate the relationship you have with yourself. — Greg Behrendt

It is in that moment, when you really lay down your cards and see the relationship for what it was, that you’ll find the freedom to kick it in the ass and let it go. — Greg Behrendt

I always tell people it’s funny that they think I’m a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships. — Greg Behrendt