The funniest yet inspiring George Carlin Quotes

George carlin quote On Life


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Life is tough, then you die. —George Carlin

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Life is a series of dogs. —George Carlin

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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands. —George Carlin

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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. —George Carlin

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If you can’t say something nice about a person, go ahead. —George Carlin

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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. —George Carlin

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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius. —George Carlin

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George carlin quote On People


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The planet is fine. The people are fucked. —George Carlin

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Most people with low self–esteem have earned it. —George Carlin

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It’s all bullshit, folks and it’s bad for ya. —George Carlin

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Bullshit’s the glue that binds us as a nation. —George Carlin

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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? —George Carlin

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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. —George Carlin

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More quotes on George carlin



The status quo sucks. —George Carlin

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Sports fans eat shit. —George Carlin

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Meow meanswoof in cat. —George Carlin

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Fuck rational thought. —George Carlin

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Always do whatever’s next. —George Carlin

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Religion is just mind control. —George Carlin

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Twat is twat and that is that. —George Carlin

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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say. —George Carlin

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Is there another word for synonym? —George Carlin

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What wine goes with Captain Crunch? —George Carlin

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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? —George Carlin

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Everyone smiles in the same language. —George Carlin

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Atheism is a non–prophet organization. —George Carlin

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How is it possible to have a civil war? —George Carlin

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I think I am, therefore, I am.. I think. —George Carlin

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Bullshit’s truly the American soundtrack. —George Carlin

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Sometimes a little brain damage can help. —George Carlin

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If a safe is unlocked, is it still a safe? —George Carlin

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Tits always look better in a pink sweater. —George Carlin

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Would a fly without wings be called a walk? —George Carlin

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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom. —George Carlin

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We’re all fucked. It helps to remember this. —George Carlin

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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves. —George Carlin

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It’s never just a game when you are winning. —George Carlin

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What if there were no hypothetical questions? —George Carlin

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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it. —George Carlin

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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. —George Carlin

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Electricity is really just organized lightning. —George Carlin

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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? —George Carlin

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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. —George Carlin

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The older you get, the better you realize you were. —George Carlin

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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed. —George Carlin



If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten. —George Carlin



I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. —George Carlin



If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? —George Carlin



How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes..dies. —George Carlin



Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. —George Carlin



Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason. —George Carlin



I have this real moron thing I do? It’s called thinking. —George Carlin



I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy. —George Carlin



If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked? —George Carlin



By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. —George Carlin



You can prick your finger .. Just don’t finger your prick. —George Carlin



I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show. —George Carlin



Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. —George Carlin



In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem. —George Carlin



Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. —George Carlin



One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. —George Carlin



Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. —George Carlin



If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him. —George Carlin