The Best Fran Lebowitz quotes

I think writing for me has always been a matter of fear. Writing is fear and not writing is fear. I am afraid of writing and then I’m afraid of not writing. — Fran Lebowitz

There’s no equivalent to Mozart in writing. — Fran Lebowitz

I never would start writing before midnight and I would finish at, like, seven in the morning. — Fran Lebowitz

Not writing is probably the most exhausting profession I’ve ever encountered. — Fran Lebowitz

Writing is so hard. Why would you be a writer if you weren’t really good at it? If you could be anything else, why would you be a writer? — Fran Lebowitz

I hate writing. I will do anything to avoid it. The only way I could write less was if I was dead. — Fran Lebowitz

Instead of writing it wrong six times and then writing it right, I think it wrong six times and then write it right the seventh time. — Fran Lebowitz

Not writing is probably the most exhausting profession I’ve ever encountered. It takes it out of you. It’s very psychically wearing not to write–I mean if you’re supposed to be writing. — Fran Lebowitz

Writing pornography is deadly, nothing duller. I mean a toll–taker has a more exciting life than a pornographer. — Fran Lebowitz

My dream writing room would be the Imperial Library in Vienna. — Fran Lebowitz

All the time I’m not writing I feel like a criminal. It’s horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It’s much more relaxing to actually write. — Fran Lebowitz

When I’m supposed to be writing I clean my apartment, take my clothes to the laundry, get organized, make lists, do the dishes. I would never do a dish unless I had to write. — Fran Lebowitz

Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep. — Fran Lebowitz

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. — Fran Lebowitz

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. — Fran Lebowitz

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. — Fran Lebowitz

Reading is better than life. Without reading, you’re stuck with life. — Fran Lebowitz

Perhaps the least cheering statement ever made on the subject of art is that life imitates it. — Fran Lebowitz

The girl in your class who suggests that this year the Drama Club put on The Bald Soprano will be a thorn in people’s sides all of her life. — Fran Lebowitz

A book is not supposed to be a mirror. It’s supposed to be a door. — Fran Lebowitz

When Toni Morrison said ‘write the book you want to read,’ she didn’t mean everybody. — Fran Lebowitz

Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try. — Fran Lebowitz

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature. — Fran Lebowitz

Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. — Fran Lebowitz

It’s much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It’s harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears. — Fran Lebowitz

To lose yourself in a book is the desire of the bookworm. I mean to be taken. That is my desire. — Fran Lebowitz

All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable. — Fran Lebowitz

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying. — Fran Lebowitz

If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract––teach him to deduct. — Fran Lebowitz

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. — Fran Lebowitz

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. — Fran Lebowitz

I must take Issue wIth the term ‘a mere chIld,’ for It has been my InvarIable experIence that the company of a mere chIld Is InfInItely preferable to that of a mere adult. — Fran Lebowitz

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching. — Fran Lebowitz

Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. — Fran Lebowitz

I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? — Fran Lebowitz

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. — Fran Lebowitz