Money is only congealed snow. — Dorothy Parker

I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that’s too adorable, I’d rather have money. — Dorothy Parker

Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond–studded wheelchair. — Dorothy Parker

Hollywood money isn’t money. It’s congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are. — Dorothy Parker

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. — Dorothy Parker

Despite his persecutions, Mr. [Upton] Sinclair reveals himself in Money Writes! to be an enviable man. Always the thing he desires to believe is the thing he feels he knows to be true. — Dorothy Parker

Money was made, not to command our will, But all our lawful pleasures to fulfill. Shame and woe to us, if we our wealth obey; The horse doth with the horseman away. — Dorothy Parker

Sure, you make money writing on the coast … but that money is like so much compressed snow. It goes so fast it melts in your hand. — Dorothy Parker

When asked what was the inspiration for most of her work:] Need of money, dear. — Dorothy Parker

But I don’t give up; I forget why not. — Dorothy Parker

I shall stay the way I am because I do not gIve a damn. — Dorothy Parker

If I didn’t care for fun and such, I’d probably amount to much. But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn. — Dorothy Parker

She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw–I don’t say she will, but she can. — Dorothy Parker

I like to think of my shining tombstone. It gives me, as you might say, something to live for. — Dorothy Parker

Sometimes I think I’ll give up trying, and just go completely Russian and sit on a stove and moan all day. — Dorothy Parker

Guns aren’t lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful. So you might as well live. — Dorothy Parker

I give her sadness and the gift of pain, a new moon madness and a love of rain. — Dorothy Parker

I won’t telephone him. I’ll never telephone him again as long as I live. He’ll rot in hell before I’ll call him up. You don’t have to give me strength. — Dorothy Parker

Résumé Razors pain you, Rivers are damp, Acids stain you, And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful, Nooses give, Gas smells awful. You might as well live. — Dorothy Parker

I was the toast of two continents: Greenland and Australia. — Dorothy Parker

Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened! — Dorothy Parker

London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. — Dorothy Parker

Somebody was using the pencil. — Dorothy Parker

Now, look, baby, ‘Union’ is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four–letter word. — Dorothy Parker

Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you! — Dorothy Parker

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? — Dorothy Parker

Four be the things I’d have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt. — Dorothy Parker

I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it’s so easy to be sweet to people before you love them. — Dorothy Parker

The sun’s gone dim, and the moon’s gone black. For I loved him, and he didn’t love back. — Dorothy Parker

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. — Dorothy Parker

Oh, seek, my love, your newer way; I’ll not be left in sorrow. So long as I have yesterday, Go take your damned tomorrow! — Dorothy Parker

I hate writing, I love having written. — Dorothy Parker

The affair between Margot Asquith and Margot Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature. — Dorothy Parker

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea; and love is thing that can never go wrong; and i am marie of romania. — Dorothy Parker

My first love was Cinderella, but she ran off with another man. — Dorothy Parker

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away. — Dorothy Parker

I shudder at the thought of men…. I’m due to fall in love again — Dorothy Parker

Drink and dance and laugh and lie, Love, the reeling midnight through, For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.) — Dorothy Parker

Dear Mary: We all knew you had it in you. — Dorothy Parker

Tell him I was too fucking busy–or vice versa. — Dorothy Parker

Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion. — Dorothy Parker

People ought to be one of two things, young or dead. — Dorothy Parker

On hearing that President Coolidge was dead:] How can you tell? — Dorothy Parker

If I had any decency, I’d be dead. Most of my friends are. — Dorothy Parker

Don’t feel bad when I die; I’ve been dead for a long time. — Dorothy Parker

Accursed from their birth they be Who seek to find monogamy, Pursuing it from bed to bed–I think they would be better dead. — Dorothy Parker

From a window in the Writer’s Building at MGM, which overlooked a cemetery:] Hello down there. It might interest you to know that up here we are just as dead as you are. — Dorothy Parker

Her big heart did not, as is so sadly often the case, inhabit a big bosom. — Dorothy Parker

Where’s the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown? — Dorothy Parker

And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned. — Dorothy Parker

If wild my breast and sore my pride, I bask in dreams of suicide, If cool my heart and high my head I think ‘How lucky are the dead. — Dorothy Parker

Because your eyes are slant and slow, Because your hair is sweet to touch, My heart is high again; but oh, I doubt if this will get me much. — Dorothy Parker

Travel, trouble, music, art, a kiss, a frock, a rhyme––I never said they feed my heart, but still they pass my time. — Dorothy Parker

Some men break your heart in two, Some men fawn and flatter, Some men never look at you; And that cleans up the matter. — Dorothy Parker

It’s easier to write about those you hate–just as it’s easier to criticize a bad play or a bad book. — Dorothy Parker

This must be a gift book. That is to say a book, which you wouldn’t take on any other terms. — Dorothy Parker

Why, after all, should readers never be harrowed? Surely there is enough happiness in life without having to go to books for it. — Dorothy Parker

His books are exciting and powerful and–if I may filch the word from the booksy ones–pulsing. — Dorothy Parker

So, you’re the man who can’t spell ‘fuck.” Dorothy Parker to Norman Mailer after publishers had convinced Mailer to replace the word with a euphemism, ‘fug,’ in his 1948 book, ‘The Naked and the Dead. — Dorothy Parker

Anthologists are lazy fellows who like to spend a quiet evening at home raiding good books. — Dorothy Parker

If this world were anything near what it should be there would be no more need of a Book Week than there would be a of a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. — Dorothy Parker

I’m of the glamorous ladies At whose beckoning history shook. But you are a man, and see only my pan, So I stay at home with a book. — Dorothy Parker

On Edna Ferber’s Ice Palace] … the book, which is going to be a movie, has the plot and characters of a book which is going to be a movie. — Dorothy Parker

On Lou Tellegen’s Women Have Been Kind:] The book … has all the elegance of a quirked little finger and all the glitter of a pair of new rubbers. — Dorothy Parker

I don’t want to review books any more. It cuts in too much on my reading. — Dorothy Parker

I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours. — Dorothy Parker