There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there. — Robert Orben

Truth is the baby of the world. It never gets old. — Dick Gregory

The world is fed by greed. — Dick Gregory

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that’s not true. Some smaller countries are neutral. — Robert Orben

No kid in the world, no woman in the world should ever raise a hand against a no–good daddy. That’s already been taken care of: A Man Who Destroys His Own Home Shall Inherit the Wind. — Dick Gregory

When I tune into my beautiful self, I get happiness. Everything in the universe belongs to me. — Dick Gregory

Life isn’t a race. It’s a relay. — Dick Gregory

The funniest jokes you know aren’t from comics but relatives, friends–from your life. That’s the funniest stuff. — Dick Gregory

America will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don’t misuse a household pet. — Dick Gregory

People with high blood pressure, diabetes–those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave. — Dick Gregory

I am one of the funniest people on the planet. — Dick Gregory

America has the mightiest military on the planet, and they didn’t get there with entertainers. — Dick Gregory

Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother’s milk. — Dick Gregory

The United States is the most dishonest, ungodly, unspiritual nation that ever existed in the history of the planet. — Dick Gregory

The only person on the planet saying derogatory things about his woman is the black man. — Dick Gregory

My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn’t a Christian, she would stomp you to death. — Dick Gregory

I feel that the same God–force that is the mother and father of the Pope is also the mother and father of the loneliest wino on the planet. — Dick Gregory

I used to get letters saying, ‘I didn’t know black children and white children were the same.’ — Dick Gregory

What happens to Black Folks today, happens to White Folks tomorrow. — Dick Gregory

Black conservatives have a right to exist, but why would I want to walk around with a swastika on my shirt after the way Hitler done messed it up? — Dick Gregory

I would have painted the White House black. I would have! — Dick Gregory

I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp–just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man. — Dick Gregory

I didn’t realize, when I decided to be a comic, that a black person had never been allowed to stand flat–footed in America and talk to white folks. It never happened before. — Dick Gregory

Why are black folks singing Amazing Grace which is a song about a white slaver’s conversion? — Dick Gregory

I was born and raised in St. Louis, and this little town, eight blocks away, place no one ever heard of, a black man there commands the attention of the world for months? That ain’t my world. — Dick Gregory

I never thought I’d see the day that I would see white folks as frightened, or more so, than black folks was during the civil rights movement when we was in Mississippi. — Dick Gregory

It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn’t stand flat–footed and talk; that was a no–no. — Dick Gregory

Being white is a job in America. You take that away, you better get the soldiers out. — Dick Gregory

I never belIeved In santa claus because I knew no whIte dude would come Into my neIghborhood after dark. — Dick Gregory

I waited at the counter of a white restaurant for eleven years. When they finally integrated, they didn’t have what I wanted. — Dick Gregory

When I went south in the 1960s, I knew I could die. If I went down there and did what I did up in Chicago and made all of those hatin’ white folks laugh, then I would have been defeated. — Dick Gregory

You know, I always say white is not a colour, white is an attitude, and if you haven’t got trillions of dollars in the bank that you don’t need, you can’t be white. — Dick Gregory

So why would I want to call myself a conservative after the way them white racist thugs have used that word to hide behind? They call themselves new Republicans. — Dick Gregory

Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It’s the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot. — Dick Gregory

When I go through the airport and see white women walking through the airport barefooted, like athlete’s feet don’t exist, there’s something wrong. — Dick Gregory

I tell people, ‘If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.’ — Dick Gregory

Love is very dangerous if you just have love and don’t have the ability to be lovable. — Dick Gregory

Love is man’s natural endowment, but he doesn’t know how to use it. He refuses to recognize the power of love because of his love of power. — Dick Gregory

Dogs are great assets to candidates, and the feeling seems to be engendered that if a dog loves the candidate, he can’t be all that bad. — Dick Gregory

And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede. — Dick Gregory