Celebrity was a long time in coming it will go away. everything goes away. — Carol Burnett

I prefer doing TV, where it can be different every time. — Carol Burnett

Comedy is tragedy–plus time. — Carol Burnett

I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t waiting for a scab either to grow or to fall off my knee. — Carol Burnett

The first time someone said, ‘What are your measurements?’ I answered, ’37, 24, 38–but not necessarily in that order.’ — Carol Burnett

I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love. — Carol Burnett

You do have to love your kids enough to let them hate you. But it’s the disease that’s hating you, not them. — Carol Burnett

I can’t tell a joke to save my soul. It’s just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. — Carol Burnett

I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that. — Carol Burnett

I liked myself better when I wasn’t me. — Carol Burnett

Because nobody goes though life without a scar. — Carol Burnett

No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful. — Carol Burnett

I’m so happy with what has happened in my life. — Carol Burnett

I’m really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. — Carol Burnett

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own. — Carol Burnett

But I didn’t ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn’t even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh. — Carol Burnett

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. — Carol Burnett

Ask anyone who’s successful how they got there, you’re going to hear a different story. — Carol Burnett

I never felt cynical, and I never felt that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. — Carol Burnett

I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me. — Carol Burnett

I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there. — Carol Burnett

I always felt that I was more of an actress than a–I can’t tell a joke to save my soul, but that I was a comedic actress. — Carol Burnett

I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances. — Carol Burnett

But I don’t begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it’s just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. — Carol Burnett

I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. — Carol Burnett

I have a great memory. — Carol Burnett

There were times when I was more at home in front of millions of people than I was at home. — Carol Burnett

What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don’t think I could write a novel. I don’t think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters. — Carol Burnett

I’m not always optimistic. You wouldn’t have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins. — Carol Burnett

I had a good loud voice and I wasn’t afraid to be goofy or zany. — Carol Burnett

I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the thIngs that don’t work out, that’s when I’ve really learned. — Carol Burnett

Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk? Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. — Carol Burnett

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. — Carol Burnett

My interesting diet tips are eat early and don’t nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away. — Carol Burnett

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. — Carol Burnett

If you want to know the feeling [of labor pain], just take your bottom lip and pull it over your head. — Carol Burnett

What I do when I write is I just write the way I would tell it, so it comes out just exactly the way I would talk to you. — Carol Burnett

The audience is never wrong. — Carol Burnett

I always preferred working with somebody so I could look into their eyeballs and play tennis. — Carol Burnett

People invite me to dinner not because I can cook, but because I like to clean up. I get immediate gratification from windex. Yes, I do windows. — Carol Burnett

I’m so happy i pushed that button. — Carol Burnett

I struggled for a while, but when I was cast in an Off Broadway show called ‘Once Upon a Mattress,’ that kind of put me on the map. — Carol Burnett

I don’t have false teeth. Do you think I’d buy teeth like these? — Carol Burnett

I couldn’t get the laughter out of my head. It wasn’t career. It wasn’t even a choice. It was a calling. — Carol Burnett

When things are a disappointment, try not to be so discouraged. — Carol Burnett

Well, I don’t know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up. — Carol Burnett

I think we’re here for each other. — Carol Burnett

I’ve always been able to recount things and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that. — Carol Burnett

It’s also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I’ve been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That’s why we’re here, after all, to help others. — Carol Burnett