I’m not sure if my parents had me because they loved me, or because they wanted someone to watch their other children. — Bill Cosby

Laughter brings out the child in all of us. — Bill Cosby

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did. — Bill Cosby

My wife and I have five children and the reason why we have five children is because we do not want six. — Bill Cosby

Grandparents are God’s gifts to children. — Bill Cosby

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I’d like to say that grandparents are God’s gifts to children. — Bill Cosby

Our children are trying to tell us something. And we are not listening. — Bill Cosby

All Children Have Brain Damage! — Bill Cosby

My childhood should have taught me lessons for My own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children. — Bill Cosby

Anyone who has brought up children knows that consistency has absolutely nothing to do with discipline. — Bill Cosby

My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children. — Bill Cosby

A child who is disciplined will be more obedient and also more organized as a student. — Bill Cosby

What best defines a child is the total inability to receive information from anything not plugged in. — Bill Cosby

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any. — Bill Cosby

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. — Bill Cosby

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time. — Bill Cosby

I’m not saying looting is good, … But I’m saying surely at a time when your child needs diapers and you need food, when does looting stop. — Bill Cosby

Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language. — Bill Cosby

A grandchild is God’s reward for raising a child. — Bill Cosby

If you’re a parent, the five worst words you can say to your children are, ‘When I was your age …’ You were never their age. You were older in the womb. — Bill Cosby

Nothing I’ve ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children. — Bill Cosby

A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child. — Bill Cosby

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. — Bill Cosby

When I was a child, I was living in the housing projects of Philadelphia. I didn’t even have a Christmas tree. — Bill Cosby

Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in. — Bill Cosby

It’s more blessed to give than to receive–especially kittens. — Bill Cosby

I meet ms. pIckIng In las vegas. she meets me backstage. I gIve her quaaludes. we then have sex. — Bill Cosby

Give me 200 active 2–year–olds and I could conquer the world. — Bill Cosby

I wanted to give the house back to the parents. — Bill Cosby

She meets me backstage. i give her quaaludes. we then have sex. — Bill Cosby

She meets me backstage, i give her quaaludes. we then have sex. … i think She may very well have been very happy to be around the show business surroundings. — Bill Cosby

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die. — Bill Cosby

You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven. — Bill Cosby

The wisest married men give in early. They get in touch with the wife side of themselves, and that’s when they stop arguing. — Bill Cosby

I’m going out… because I deserve to go out! And I’m going to get drunk… because I deserve to get drunk! And get out of my way! — Bill Cosby

If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff. — Bill Cosby

Mediocre people are the most dangerous people in the world. — Bill Cosby

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out! — Bill Cosby

If you’re going to say to the world that i did this to you, then the world needs to know, ‘what kind of person are you? who is this person that’s saying it?’?. — Bill Cosby

The main goal of The future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it. — Bill Cosby

It is not a matter of who is rejecting me, as much as It is somebody may get It, and i am going to keep plowing through It because in this world of education, there is a harvest. — Bill Cosby

Kids need to remember that when you put something on Twitter, it’s not like whispering to your friend, you’ve put it on a billboard that the whole world, including your own kids someday, can see. — Bill Cosby

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. — Bill Cosby

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap–on–a–rope. — Bill Cosby

Love and the strength of womanhood, let me say it again, Love and the strength of womanhood. and, you could reverse it, the strength of womanhood and Love. — Bill Cosby

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who’ve had luck with it and those who haven’t. — Bill Cosby

I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don’t cry over the one person who doesn’t. — Bill Cosby

I love it when mothers get so mad they can’t remember your name. ‘Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga… what is your name, boy? And don’t lie to me, because you live here, and I’ll find out who you are. — Bill Cosby

The three ingredients of a successful union between two … humor, commitment & undying love. — Bill Cosby

We’re not raising children with the love that we need to. — Bill Cosby

My children love my mother, and I tell my children, that is not the same woman I grew up with…That is an old woman trying to get into heaven now. — Bill Cosby

Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones who eat broccoli. — Bill Cosby

In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck–and, of course, courage. — Bill Cosby

The most important educational vehicle in all life is a parent figure. — Bill Cosby

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine. — Bill Cosby

And to those people with no children but who think they’d like to have them some day to fulfill their lives. Remember: With fulfillment comes responsibility. — Bill Cosby

He’s one of my mentors, and He’s been very influential and played a big role in my life as a friend and mentor. — Bill Cosby

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. — Bill Cosby

And tired’ always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, ‘I am just sick…’ And I said, ‘and tired.’ I don’t remember anything after that. — Bill Cosby

No matter what you think–life goes on and the world still turns and the universe has its own story. The most we can do is plan anyway, but understand, be humbled by things greater than ourselves. — Bill Cosby

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life. — Bill Cosby

My mother was an authority on pig sties. This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen in my life, and I want it cleaned up right now. — Bill Cosby

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. — Bill Cosby

When I say, ‘I don’t care what white people think,’ I mean that. — Bill Cosby

Never say [to younger people] ‘that was before your time,’ because the last full moon was before their time! — Bill Cosby

A word to the wise isn’t necessAry, it is the stupid ones who need All the Advice. — Bill Cosby

If I use the word romance, whether it’s my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there. — Bill Cosby

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. — Bill Cosby

Any husband who says, ‘My wife and I are completely equal partners,’ is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. — Bill Cosby

With my wife Camille’s help, I took to social networking. I’m working with the computers. — Bill Cosby

My feeling is, personally, I want to die first… because I believe that when you die, your soul goes immediately up for judgment–and I don’t want my wife up there first. No, the judgment will be horrendous. — Bill Cosby